Longtime parent finally becomes 'Dad'

By Jack Broom
Seattle Times staff reporter

A 60-year-old Federal Way man, in an unusual court proceeding yesterday, was stripped of his status as stepfather to four adult children he helped raise.

But Ken Lobejko didn't mind. He got a different title: Father.

In a teary, eight-minute session in King County Superior Court, Lobejko ("lo-BAY-ko") became the legal father to three daughters and a son ranging in age from 38 to 43.

"The hard part is over. ... I already raised them," Lobejko, a Boeing flight-line mechanic, told Family Court Commissioner Roderick Simmons after Simmons approved the adoption.

It's certainly not every day a man finds himself standing in court, as Lobejko was yesterday afternoon, with four helium balloons presented to him. Three, shaped like pink hearts, bore the words, "It's a girl," while the other, blue and round, said, "It's a boy."

Lobejko received court permission to adopt the four children of the woman who stood by him in court yesterday, his wife, Barbara.

But it was the kids who cooked up the idea.

"We couldn't think of a better way to pay tribute to this man," said Leslie Dammeier, 39, of Mercer Island. "He's always been there for us and we've always called him 'Ken.' Now he'll be 'Dad.' "

Joining her in proposing the action were her brother, Michael Wachtler, 38, of Kent; and two sisters, Laura Kniss, 40, of Tacoma, and Linnea VanTassel, 43, of New York. Only VanTassel was missing from yesterday's courtroom scene; she submitted an affidavit giving her permission to be adopted.

Adult adoptions are rare compared to those involving children, but court workers say King County sees several a month. A $10 packet from Family Court Services contains the forms and explains the process.

"A lot of times the purpose is to secure the inheritance in case there isn't a will, but often it's more an expression of an emotional bond," said Nancy Lightfoot, adoption paralegal for King County Superior Court.

Alisa Maples, Lobejko's attorney, said adoption doesn't necessarily guarantee an inheritance. Natural fathers and stepfathers alike can decide whom to put in their wills.

Lobejko said at first he could not understand why his stepchildren, decades out of his direct care, wanted to bother with the legal move.

"Either they figure I'm due to win the lottery, so they're getting everything in place, or they're after my pickup truck," he joked about his well-worn black Ford Ranger with 163,000 miles.

A little history is in order.

In 1967, when she and her first husband separated in California, where he remains today, Barbara Wachtler was left with four children under 7 and moved back to her home state of Washington to raise them.

In 1972, in a Tacoma cocktail lounge, she met Lobejko, a young army man who had completed three tours in Vietnam. When the two married the following year, Lobejko found himself with an instant family.

"I tell people I married a woman with four kids and they say, 'My God, what were you drinking?' But I loved their mother and the four kids were there," he said.

Lobejko said he didn't want the children to call him 'Dad.' He reminded them they still had a father and should send him cards on important occasions.

Barbara Lobejko, 62, said her new husband had to take on the role of disciplinarian. "I had been pretty soft on the kids since the divorce."

Said Lobejko, "I came in and made them make their beds, do chores, clean up the house ... " Sometimes the children objected to his decision, claiming they outvoted him four to one. "But I told them this is a dictatorship and I'm the dictator."

One time, when Michael complained that doing dishes was girls' work, Lobejko made him stay up late into the night washing every dish in the house.

Initially, things were so uneasy that Barbara made sure the often-used "if anyone objects" wording was not included in their wedding ceremony.

"She thought all four of us would stand up and say something," said Kniss.

As the children grew up and went to college, relationships mellowed. "As we got through the teen years I realized how much they respected this man," said Barbara.

Now, all four are married and three ? Kniss, Dammeier and Wachtler ? each have three children of their own.

It wasn't until last year, when Dammeier heard of another adult adoption, that she even realized such a thing was possible. "If it was, we would have done it long ago."

Lobejko remembers how his kids raised the topic last June. "They all came over on Father's Day. ... They handed me a card and it said 'Happy Father's Day' and this and that and then they had this big manila envelope and they all started crying, so I started crying and my wife started crying ... "

Papers to start the adoption process were inside.

Lobejko, who was only 12 when his own father left home, said he grew up without a role model but never regarded fatherhood or parenthood as exceptional tasks.

"I didn't do it to win a Pulitzer Prize," he said. "I married their mother. We stuck together. Just the normal procedure of life."

Jack Broom: 206-464-2222 or jbroom@seattletimes.com